Need sex. Gaining weight.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
