I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
A+ Viking dick
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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