you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
