I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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