not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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