ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
