It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
