i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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