whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
