Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
