I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
