My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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