there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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