We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
