I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
