it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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