We named our party play list daddy issues
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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