He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
