I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
