forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
