just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
