Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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