So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
