I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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