We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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