Betty ford says i'm here all night
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i think i have herpe
just one?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
