the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
