My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
