I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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