put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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