We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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