Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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