So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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