i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
