Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
