Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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