Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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