Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
