I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
