Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
