You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
