either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
