I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
is this the sara with the beer cane?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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