I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
