Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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