i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
