i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just want to make out with him forever
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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