Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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