I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
honey bunches of taint.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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