Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
