ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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