he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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