Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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