you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We are all done wearing pants today
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