Ketchup is God's man juice
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i need some magic done to my vagina
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
