I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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