if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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