you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize