mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
