Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
