I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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