epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize