1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
