Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
