Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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